What does being a real man mean?
What made me ponder over a stupid question like this, was reading the big story of the day as reported in newspapers across the UK, Australia, and elsewhere soon after Margaret Thatcher’s funeral on April 17. From The Sun and the Daily Mail, and the Daily Star to the Guardian, almost every major paper found that an important male politician, (in this case Britain’s Finance Minister, George Osborne,) shedding tears at a funeral, (in this case, the Iron Lady’s funeral,) was something so startling, so odd, that they all chose to splash this across their front pages.
For God’s sake, he was at a funeral, wasn’t he? Don’t people cry at funerals? So what was so unusual about Osborne being lachrymose that the incident made front page headlines? I couldn’t believe that even in the developed world a powerful man failing to control his emotions was considered as out of character as, say, an announcement from Madonna that she was becoming a nun. It’s infuriating how even in the 21st century we’re perpetuating gender stereotypes. Real men don’t cry. Real men don’t get emotional in public. And as for those men who weep when they’re sad or terrified of something, have a softer side, respect their wife’s opinions, don’t hesitate to ask for help when they need it, have no ego problems when it comes to changing baby diapers, cooking, doing the dishes… you know, all the ‘woman’ stuff… they’re sissies. They’re not ‘real’ men.
What makes a man a ‘real’ man?
Well, for me, a real man does not need to have biceps like Arnold Schwarzenegger in Commando, drive a flashy car, live in a palatial mansion, or have a fat bank balance. What he needs to have is a lot of heart.
I was raised in the old school of thinking that “Manners maketh a man”. Let me clarify here that I believe that having manners is nothing but showing consideration for others. So for me, a real man is someone who treats his partner as an equal, who believes her opinions and needs are as important as his own, is not rattled by the achievements of his partner, is neither apprehensive about ‘strong’ women nor disdainful of men who are gentle, is self-confident and comfortable in his own skin, and has the courage to stand up for what he thinks is right.
As for a real woman, different men have different views about this. For some, she’s a beauty with brains, others don’t care a damn whether she has brains or not as long as she has a figure like Marilyn Monroe. And for the Professor Higgins type, a real woman is someone who’s more like a man. Remember his whining in the film My Fair Lady? “Why can’t a woman be more like a man? Men are so honest, so thoroughly square; eternally noble, historically fair,” and “Men are so decent, such regular chaps; ready to help you through any mishaps.” Oh yeah? So men, all men, just by virtue of being men, are endowed with the noblest qualities? My reply to that would be similar to that of Eliza Doolittle: Don’t be funny. And going a step further, I would add, chauvinists who believe such crap need a kick in the butt.
But then, it set me thinking, what according to me was a real woman? That’s when it struck me that all of the desirable qualities I had associated with a real man came to mind once again while listing what I believed were the characteristics of a real woman. (Just in case you’re jumping to any wrong conclusions, in my earlier description of a real man, just substitute “his” with “her”, and “he” with “she”, etc.; that should help you get the picture right regarding a real woman.) Meaning, for me, what makes a real man also makes a real woman, and therefore, real men and real women share the same admirable qualities. What do you think?
The man song
Well, just for laughs, here’s a tongue-in-cheek song, “The man song”, by a sweet old guy who keeps asserting “I’m a man! I’m a man!” Enjoy!
