Rules for wives, girlfriends, et al., written by men

Have you laughed lately? Have a good laugh now and then. It works better than any other medicine!

What men really expect from women

It’s a fact. Husbands and wives always tend to think the opposite sex is the weird sex. Admit it, most of us think like this: I’m a saint, all that’s going wrong in this relationship is because of him/her…  I know no one really enjoys making the marriage space a battle ground. And when we’re in a more amenable mood, and we notice our better half seems to be annoyed about something, we think: If only I knew what was going on inside his/her head… If only I understood what’s the cause of the ‘raging bull’ angry looks…

And that’s where most of the problems spring from. From not understanding the opposite sex. From not reading the signs, signals, or whatever, right. Men mean one thing, women think it’s something else. Or it’s the other way around, and the men are guilty of getting the message wrong. The woman says ‘NO’, but the man is convinced she means ‘YES’. Happens all the time.

One big reason is because men’s brains and women’s brains are wired differently. But then that’s not our fault. Right?

Annoying habits are, though. Like for example, nagging.  That’s surely among the least desirable traits any man  or woman would want in their life partner.

To get some clarity on how we could stop interpreting things wrongly and ensure “all is well” more often, I decided to uncover some undeclared rules for husbands and wives, and decided it should be rules for ladies first. So, lately, I’ve been scouring the internet to find rules for wives, girlfriends, et al., written by men. To find what men really expect from women. And here are some gems I uncovered.

Men’s laws for women

1. Let us look, it doesn’t hurt anyone if we look. For us, it’s genetic.
2. If you think you’re fat, you probably are. Don’t ask us. We refuse to answer.
3. Crying is blackmail.
4. When you want to ask us anything, be direct. Like us. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do NOT work. Strong hints do NOT work. Obvious hints do NOT work. Just say it!
5. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. We’ll be happy to help, though we may not offer sympathy. If you want sympathy… well that is what your girlfriends are for.
6. Anything we said six months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after a week. So don’t cling to these to use as weapons for life.
7. We don’t remember dates. Period. So mark birthdays and anniversaries on a calendar. And remind us frequently beforehand.
8. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.   
9. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during TV commercials.
10. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we. So don’t bug us to ask for these.
11. We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.
12. If we ask what is wrong and you say “nothing”, we will believe you, and act like nothing’s wrong.
13. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.
14. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

All you gals twisting your mouth, and thinking, “Very funny…”, here’s the last rule I forgot to add to the other pearls of wisdom doled out by husbands:

15. Don’t be a stick in the mud. Cultivate a b-i-g sense of humour.

Bet men reading these ‘rules’ will give a ‘thumbs up’ to the guys who wrote these, glad that someone at last spelt out these critically important rules for women. Things a husband expects from his wife besides the usual ‘natural’ stuff. Things their mother-in-law might have caught on to from past experience but didn’t ever educate their daughter about.

As for the women reading this, bet many of you are smiling about getting to have the last word, thinking: Oh yeah? You miserable slobs, wait till you learn about OUR rules…”.

Yup… that’s what’s coming up next. Soon! So stay tuned.